Recovery
by Schistosoma
Summary: Post USSR. Eduard has been given the opportunity to be with the man he's always loved, and he gladly takes it. However, can he stick by his side when Ravis's trauma re-surfaces?
1. Chapter 1

It had been nearly four years since they'd gained their independence. They rarely saw each other these days, reuniting only once or twice a year for holidays. It wasn't that the three Baltic nations didn't miss each other, in fact it was quite on the contrary, however when they actually met again, they were greeted with an undesirable rush of memories from their time under Soviet control. Things that shouldn't have been said, thing they shouldn't have seen, and Mister Ivan's heartless and cold smile.

The occasion for their reunion this time was Christmas. Toris was busy preparing kisielius when the doorbell rang. "In a second!" He yelled, taking the steaming pan out of the oven. Upon opening the door, he discovered a tall Estonian man holding a couple containers in his arms, most probably the food he was bringing to the gathering. "Eduard." He said, taking the containers, "Thank you for coming." A slight smile traced the blonde man's face. "Thank you for having me." He replied.

It always started out like this. Awkward politeness and awkward silence, waiting until the third arrived. "How have you been holding up?" Eduard asked, while setting out the neatly polished silverware on the table. "Oh!" Toris said and suddenly dropped the assortment of napkins he was holding, and blushed. "Here, let me help." Eduard said, kneeling down to plush the napkins off the floor.

"Actually, I have some news I want to tell you. " The smaller Lithuanian man said, dusting off a napkin colored to look like his nation's flag. "You and Ravis, I mean." He said, referring to the absent guest.

Finally, the doorbell rang. "Speak of the devil." Toris said, chuckling. They opened the door and Ravis stepped in, still the same height as he was four years ago. "H-Hi." He stuttered, the initial awkwardness of the situation taking over.

In the hour and a half that it took them to sit down to dinner they had already adjusted to one another's company again. "Earlier," Eduard said, taking a bite of sklandu rauši, "you said you had something important to tell us, Toris."

"Un, Yes. Let's hear it." Ravis commented, his small hands reaching for another slice of bread.

"I'm seeing someone." Toris said, looking down at his food. The man representing Estonia leaned forward in his chair. "Seeing someone? As in dating?" He inquired. The mousy-haired Lithuanian nodded quickly, still blushing. "That's great!"

"Who is it?" The Latvian asked. "Do we know him?"

"Yeah." Toris replied. "It's…"

"It's not Ivan, is it?" Ravis said bluntly, setting down his fork with a stern expression crossing his childish face. A dreadful silence wafted through the house, pulling the air away from the dinner table, bringing all three of them back to their days spend with Mister Ivan and his terrifying laugh.

"Latvia!" Eduard scolded, glaring at him from across the table. The curly-haired blonde popped the fork in his mouth and mumbled. "Sorry."

Toris sighed. "No, it's not. Do you guys remember Feliks?"

"The Pole who was sometimes at Ivan's house?" Eduard asked.

"We met again a while back," Toris said, giggling ",and we kind of y'know-_clicked_."

Eduard smiled slightly, he was happy for Toris, but a pang of jealousy stirred inside him. Toris had found a lover, while he was still alone. Sighing, Eduard cast the thought aside.

The three friends shared stories, remembered inside jokes and for the first time in what seemed like centuries, they truly felt like the 'Three Baltic Nations' once again.

Their party came to an end around twelve o' clock. "See you again." Lithuania said, seeing the other two to the door. The December snow covered the ground, leaving a trail of footprints back to each of their cars. "Goodbye!" Toris called after them one last time before shutting the door, and heading back inside, undeniably to clean up the kitchen.

Eduard opened his car door. "See you next time, Ravis." He said, waving. "Yeah." The short Latvian said, turning his back towards him and walking to his own automobile. The taller of the two was about to start the car when suddenly, Ravis ran back, shouting his name. "Eduard! Eduard! Wait a second!" he yelled. "What is it?" The Estonian yells back.

Ravis stood in front of the other nation, silent, but searching for the right words to convey whatever he was trying to say. "I was j-just wondering…i-if sometime…i-if you'd like, I mean y-you don't have to-" His nervous stutter took over.

"What are you trying to say?" Eduard asked, laughing internally at the shorter boy's adorable attempts to speak.

"Would you like to talk sometime?" He finally managed to say. "I just-We never see each other anymore, and I'd like to catch up, if that's okay with you…"

"Yes, of course." Eduard said, grateful, albeit surprised.

"Then, just call me sometime." Ravis said, his child-like face sporting a fine blush. Then he turned away and walked towards his own car.

As Eduard drove home, his mind wandered. He thought of all the other Christmases they'd shared, before Ivan, after Ivan, and during Ivan.

"_Toris." Mister Ivan said, placing a hand on the Lithuanian's shoulder. "You celebrate Christmas, da?" The brunette nodded, but issued no verbal response. "Then I think we should all celebrate Christmas this year." The older man said, rubbing Toris's shoulder in small, slow circles. _

_Eduard was suspicious. Mister Ivan was either in an exceptionally good mood, or he had some sadistic plan in store for them. Ravis clung to Eduard's arm, shivering. "What's going on?" He whispered. _

"_I don't know." Eduard said, looking at his small companion. "I honestly have no idea."_

_That night, Ivan didn't take any one of them into his room. _

**Kisielius- **a Lithuanian Christmas food, basically cranberry pudding

**sklandu rauši- **a Latvian Christmas food, tarts filled with a mashed potato and carrot.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello. Rating went up in this chapter. Duh. I don't want to make this all sex-based, but to show certain elements of trauma it's pretty necessary. So, TA-DAH! Enjoy Chapter Two?

At about two in the morning, Ravis received a call.

"Eduard?" He said, flipping at the phone open after briefly glancing at the caller ID.

"Hey." The voice on the other end said. "I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither." He said, smiling lightly. "I didn't think you'd call me back so quickly."

A loud thud could be heard from the other end. "Ed, what was that?" The shorter man asked.

"I'm staying at a hotel in your country since it takes a while to drive from Lithuania to Estonia." He answered. "The kids in the next room are having a party."

"A hotel? In Latvia?" Ravis yelled into the receiver, "How could you! Just come here! You can spend the night at my house!"

When Eduard arrived, he was situated into the guest room. "Good night, Ravis." He yelled down the hall. The tall blonde was about to get into bed when the Latvian's shaky voice stopped him. "E-Eduard?" He asked, standing in the doorway wearing his childish pajamas and holding a large blue pillow. "Can I sleep with you tonight? Like old times?" Eduard smiled and patted the place next to him. Ravis slipped under the covers as Eduard pulled on the lamp cord, to turning off the light.

When they were teenagers under Ivan's rule, four years ago, they often slept together. Ravis loved the feeling of being pressed into Eduard's chest, safe, and feeling his gentle breath in his ear. Eduard only felt comfortable knowing that he was close to Ravis, protecting him, instead of sitting against the other side of the wall when Ravis screamed and moaned for Ivan to stop. Today was no different; the fact that they were grown men didn't stop Eduard from kissing the Latvian's forehead. Their stable breathing, the warmth of the covers, Eduard's arm around the smaller male, cuddling and protecting one another were all so familiar. Then, a knee between Eduard's legs, small hands on his waist, Ravis's tongue in his navel- something buried deep in the back Eduard's memory, recovered again.

"Ravis!" He exclaimed, wriggling out of his grip. "What are you doing?"

Ravis crawled on top of his guest, in between his legs. "Touch me, Eduard." He whimpered. "Touch me."

"Stop it!" Eduard yelled, pushing the Latvian off of him. "You don't know what you're doing!"

"I'll let you do whatever you want to me…" Ravis said, desperately trying to persuade the older man.

_Déjà vu, _Eduard though, recalling the day of Toris's 17th birthday, when Ravis crawled on top of the oldest Baltic Nation, pressing his pelvis into Eduard's , whispering: "…Please Eduard, I'll let you do anything to me." Russia had taken Toris out of the house, so it was certain they'd return the next morning, Toris worn out and sore. There was nobody there. No one would know. Giving in to temptation, Eduard slipped his hand in between the boy's legs, looking to pleasure him, and Ravis started to whimper. Eduard had taken it as a sign of encouragement and the proceeded to suck on the small Latvian's neck, when suddenly, Ravis screamed. Not a scream of pleasure, but a frightened and violated scream, the type that shook the house every other night. The Estonian locked himself in the bathroom for the rest of the day, guilt overwhelming him and regrets tingling in his arms.

"No, Ravis!" he yelled again.

"But you want to don't you?" A childish voice escaped the younger man's lips.

_Yes. _Eduard thought. Of course he wanted to; he'd been in love with Ravis for years, once even kissing him on the lips when they were freed from Russian control. _Yes. _He thought. _Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes._

Eduard grabbed his face and kissed him until neither of them could breathe. The bed became a mess of arms and legs. "Eduard." Ravis breathed, fumbling clumsily with the buttons on his own pajama top. Kissing down his neck, he could feel Ravis shudder: repetitive, unorganized and quick breaths. "Eduard." He said again. "Mhn?" Eduard managed to say.

"Put my hands above my head." Ravis said through lust-filled eyes.

"What?" Eduard asked, an old memory filling his head, that one time he almost had sex with Ivan, Ivan's hand around his wrists, holding his hands up above his head and against the wall so that he couldn't move them.

"Please." The curly-haired man begged.

Eduard complied, and began to thrust into him. Ravis yelped and moaned, demanding him for more and begging him to stop. Then Eduard saw it. Ravis's face, flushed and tear-stained mouthing "No." over and over. Eduard thought of Ivan. _What a sick bastard. _He though, _Does he get off on this? _, as he pulled out of the younger man. Ravis was breathing heavily, and he curled up into a ball, naked. "Ravis." Eduard said softly, reaching out to touch his arm. "I'm so sorry." He said. "I'm so sorry."

"Hug me." Ravis said, "Make me feel better." Eduard cautiously pulled him into his arms, feeling responsible. But this time, the boy's small, nude shoulders didn't make him feel safe. He felt he had crossed some sort of line, broken a rule and enjoyed it. He wondered if Ivan felt the same way, during the four years when he'd changed all of their lives for the worse, when he skewed the then fifteen year old Latvian's view of the world, robbing him of his childhood, tainting him, changing him forever.

Eduard held him tighter, wishing he'd never have to let go.


	3. Chapter 3

There was a part of Ravis that wished he was still under Ivan's control, cleaning, cooking and caring for him in whatever way he was told to. Mister Ivan was terrible to the Three Baltic Nations, and yet, Ravis still saw some sort of twisted comfort him. Even during the nights in the Russian man's room, screaming from either pain or pleasure, after it was all over Ivan would cuddle him and kiss him on forehead. "It's all right." He'd whisper. _"I'll make you feel all better."_

When Eduard awoke, Ravis wasn't beside him. Glancing at the clock, he noted that it wasn't even seven. _Was this just a one-night stand? _He couldn't help but wonder.

Eduard ventured into the kitchen to find Ravis sitting in front of the window on his knees, a cup of milk in his little hands, looking out onto the fallen snow with a blank expression. The Estonian stood behind him, observing him silently. How long had he been sitting here? He was already dressed.

"Ravis." Eduard said, sitting down next to him. "Good morning."

Ravis twitched and turned towards his friend. "Oh, Good Morning, Eduard."

He glanced down at his milk and stated, "It's cold." He looked at Estonia and giggled slightly. "I must have spaced out."

"Do you always wake up this early?" Eduard questioned. Ravis nodded briefly.

Something clouded the younger blonde's eyes, and he responded in a voice even more childish than usual: "Remember how we used to wake up at five to get all of the chores done on time? …I guess I still can't get used to being free."

Ravis stood up. "I'm going to make us breakfast. What would you like?" He said.

"What was that last night?" Eduard asked, disregarding the question.

Ravis looked at him, cocking his head to the right. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"Was I just your booty call?" Eduard asked, cheeks slightly reddened , refusing to meet the shorter man's eyes.

The Latvian put the cup in the sink, then walked back over to Eduard and lightly held onto the tall man's hands. "No." He said, and lightly kissed Eduard's chest, sliding his arms around his waist. Eduard held Ravis close, wishing he would never have to let go. _Thank God _he thought, kissing Ravis's forehead.

"I love you." He sputtered out suddenly, surprising even himself. Ravis curled into him even more, and shuddered. "Thank you." He whispered into Eduard's chest.

Eduard couldn't help but notice a lack of a certain four words: "I love you, too."

_No matter how terrible Ivan was to him, Ravis couldn't hate him._

"_You're such a bad boy." Ivan would say, his words heavy and dripping with a Russian accent. Then his hands would suddenly be everywhere, and Ravis seemed to have no choice but to freeze and see himself from above when it was happening. _

_But then there were those moments after the Russian family reunions, when Ivan would come home exhausted , and lay his head in the Latvian's lap, telling him of all his fears and concerns, suddenly appearing so incredibly vulnerable. "My little Latvia." He'd say, and pet his cheek, "You're my favorite."_

_Sometimes Ravis would brag to Toris and Eduard about these moments, but Eduard would turn away and refuse to answers him, and Toris would say that Mister Ivan told him the same thing. "Don't you ever believe anything he says." He told the youngest Baltic. _

_But to Ravis, believing that he was the favorite gave him something to hold on to, some twisted sense of stability in his very tumulus life. _

_One night, while finishing up cleaning the floor in the Winter Palace ballroom, Toris left the room to fetch some more water. "You know, you're not the favorite." Eduard said suddenly, pausing his diligent cleaning. _

"_You're lying." Ravis said. "Mister Ivan told me he liked me best."_

"_It's Toris." Eduard said, looking at him coldly through his glasses. "Just look at him. But trust me, Ravis. You don't want to be the favorite. Look what he's done to Toris." Then then-sixteen-year old stood up, and threw the sponge he was using in the Estonians direction, but missed. "You don't know what I want!" He yelled._

_However, now that he thought about it, he was playing second fiddle to the Lithuanian. Ivan kissed Toris on the cheek. Toris had spent multiple nights in a row in Ivan's bedroom. Ivan had marked Toris, the scars on his back screaming-"Mine! My favorite!" _

"_We have to hurry up guys." Toris said, re-entering the room, carrying an over flowing bucket of water with both hands. "We still have to clean the bathrooms."_

_Suddenly, the Latvian stood up, an ugly grimace pasted on his face. "What's wrong?" Toris asked, setting down the water bucket._

"_I hate you!" Ravis yelled, and the words reverbed and echoed throughout the enormous ballroom, the Latvian's tiny voice shaking the crystals on the chandelier. He then kicked over the bucket, spilling at Toris's feet, wasting his precious work. "I hate you! I hate you, I hate you!" Ravis yelled, his arms flailing._

"_Ravis! What's going on?" Toris asked, kneeling down to face him. Suddenly, Ravis was all over him, kicking, punching, scratching, biting. Eduard ran over across the room and grabbed his arms to hold him back. "Let go of me!" He yelled. As soon as he pulled Ravis off of the Lithuanian, Eduard stood him up and shook him roughly by the shoulders. _

"_What is wrong with you!" He yelled. "Why the hell would you ever want something like that!" _

_When Ravis didn't answer, Eduard stood up and walked over to Toris to help him up. "Come on." He said, glaring at the youngest boy. "Let's go, Toris."_

_Ravis was left all alone in the enormous ballroom, still dirty, waiting to be cleaned. _

Winter Palace:

I thought it'd be cool if Ivan lived there.

Also, I've heard/read that Latvians take their milk seriously. Always (traditionally) drank for breakfast.

If you're confused on Latvia's actions look up something about rape and trauma. It's scary shit.

Thanks for reading this by the way…


	4. Chapter 4

**HEY! **Chapter Four is here!

Tino makes an over-phone appearance! I think Estonia's a little OCC in this chapter, but oh well.

He stayed with Ravis for another day. They went to the market to buy food for dinner, and Ravis clung to Eduard's arm, giggling and kissing him even in the presence of other people.

"Mister Ravis," A young Latvian girl said, pulling on the curly- haired nation's coat, "Who's that?"

Ravis crouched down to meet her eye level, and smiled. "This is Eduard Von Brock. He is Estonia."

"He loves me." He said, patting the girl's head. '_He loves me'. _Eduard thought, feeling somewhat insecure. _No. I'm the weird one. It was too early to tell him the extent of my feelings. _Ravis took the taller man's hand and dragged him towards a vendor selling potatoes.

As soon as Eduard stepped through the door to the Latvian's home, Ravis dropped their groceries and pushed him against the wall. "Ravis?" Eduard asked, confused. Then-all of a sudden-he was all over him again, touching and kissing and begging for sex. "-But we just did it last night!" The taller blond exclaimed as Ravis slipped his hands under his shirt.

The younger man's hands abruptly loosened around his hips, and his forehead wrinkled. "B-But don't you love me?" He stuttered.

"Of course I love you. I just can't handle this much at once." Eduard said, kissing Ravis's forehead.

_A kiss on the forehead. That's all it took sometimes. _

Ravis stumbled backwards, tripping over the discarded groceries and falling over onto the floor.

He drew in his breath sharply, and shivered.

"Ravis!" Eduard yelled.

_He couldn't move or see anything, and it was getting harder to breathe. His face was pressed into a pillow and is arms were bent backwards in an unnatural manner while Mister Ivan fucked him. Ravis whimpered, but then Ivan whispered into his ear: "Shh,quiet. You wouldn't want to bother Eduard or Toris, would you?" _

_Ravis shook his head, fighting back the urge to scream into the pillow which was currently choking him. _

_He imagined he was somewhere else. On a picnic with Toris. In his hometown, Riga. Reading a book with Eduard before bedtime. _

_Meanwhile, Ivan thrust harder. It would soon be over._

_He imagined he was somebody else. Toris. Yao. Anybody but himself._

"_Ah~" Ivan exclaimed, filling Ravis. The young boy choked on a sob. Ivan then helped him into a sitting position, disregarding the blood and semen running down Ravis's legs. "Good job." He told him, kissing his forehead. Ravis looked away. He'd do anything to go back to doing chores. _

"_Now kiss me." Ivan instructed. _

_As gently as he could, Ravis did as Ivan told him._

He had no idea how he had ended up crying in Eduard's arms. "Shh." It'll be alright." Eduard said, petting his hair. "I'm so sorry." Ravis buried his face in the Estonia's shoulder.

"I guess I was a bit hasty in telling you my feelings." Eduard said. "but I really do love you, Ravis. Please don't cry."

"I know." Ravis found himself saying, still shaken.

Then, the Estonian's pager went off. They broke apart, and Eduard checked to see who it was. "They need me back in Estonia." He said. "But I will stay here if you need me."

Ravis looked down. "No, please go. Your country's needs should be valued over anything else."

Eduard took him in his arms again. "I love you, I love you, I love you." He repeated, and then kissed him gently. "I'll see you later." He said as he left.

At times like this, Eduard had no choice but to call his best friend, Tino. He dialed the number with one hand and steered the car with the other.

"Eduard!" The sing-song voice on the other end answered, "I haven't heard from you in a while!"

"I just had sex with Ravis." He blurted out.

"That's great! You've always liked him, right?" The Finnish man said, excited.

"I know. But I'm just confused." Eduard said, turning right. "We just got together yesterday and I told him I love him."

"Already!" Tino interrupted, amused. "You're starting to remind me of Berwald."

"Was I too early?" Eduard asked, feeling regretful. Him and his stupid mouth. "Probably." Tino said, "I know I was super-scared around Berwald when he first told me."

Eduard told him of how Ravis acted around him, one moment he was all over him, then he was crying and screaming. How he didn't believe Eduard loved him.

"It's only been a day!" Tino exclaimed. "Calm down, Ed!"

_Maybe I have been a little paranoid. _ The Estonian thought, driving onto a side-road. "Look, if you two are meant for each other, things will start to get better. He's just nervous!" Tino yelled into the phone.

Eduard smiled. "Thanks, Tino." He just hoped the Finnish man was right.

_When he was fifteen, Ravis was developed a_ _profound fear of the dark. He'd run to Eduard's room as soon as Mister Ivan left. "Eduard." He pleaded, "Please let me sleep with you tonight." _

_And Eduard had never once rejected him._

_As they laid there, Eduard would wrap his arms around the Latvian's shoulders. Most of the time, they were silent, but at times either Eduard or Ravis would blurt out a thought which would spark a conversation. _

"_Why are we here?" Ravis asked one night. "We could run at any moment, so why don't we?"_

"_Sssh." Eduard whispered, placing a finger over his lips. "Mister Ivan could hear you." The young Latvian pressed against the taller blonde's shoulder. _

"_If we escaped he'd do something bad to us. Even worse than now." The Estonian told him._

"_Worse than what he does to Toris and me?" Latvia asked. Eduard's eyes winded. This was the first time the younger boy had directly addressed the issue. Eduard nodded. _

"_I wish I could take it all away from you." Eduard mumbled. "So that you would have to deal with it."_

_He closed his eyes tightly. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe there was someone so deranged as Ivan in this world. He couldn't believe that he'd let this happen, and stood on the other side of the door while screams rang through the house. _

_How could he have let it happen? Someone had hurt his precious friend, and he'd stood y and let it happen. _

"_I'm so sorry." He whispered into Ravis's hair. _


	5. Chapter 5

There were times when Ravis couldn't remember anything. He knew that while in the USSR, he cooked and cleaned and cried. He just couldn't remember _why_. He remembered the moments before and the moments after, but the middle, the crucial part, was hazy. And then at seemingly random times, he would stop whatever he was doing because of the little video playing out in his head.

"_Hands above your head, Latvia."_

He wished he never had remembered. Living in ignorance was much less painful.

When Eduard left, Ravis poured himself a glass of wine and sat down with a book. It was a good book, _Bikeris_, one of his favorites, but he couldn't concentrate on it. The flipping of the pages was the only noise in his home. He was alone again. He sighed and downed his glass.

_Sometimes, Ivan would drink with him. When Ravis had enough of everything, he'd wander down to the Russian's cellar to try to pinch some of his precious vodka._

"_Go on, take all you want." A voice said behind him. The fifteen year-old turned around to see Ivan standing in the corner of the dark room, holding his signature water faucet. _

"_I'm so sorry!" Ravis yelped, falling to his knees. "I'll never do it again! I promise!" _

_Ivan bent down and captured his lips. "Sweet little Ravis." He said as he smiled, but his eyes told a different story. "Let's have a drink together." _

_Ravis pulled a bottle from the assortment of vodka aligned against the wall. "Should I get glasses?" He asked._

"_No, No. The bottle will be fine." The Russian said, and popped open the bottle with is bare hands. They then took turns taking sips, no, gulps from the flagon. The young Latvian embraced the fiery liquid pouring down his throat and tightened his grip around the neck of the bottle._

"_Vodka is great isn't it?" Ivan asked. The Latvian nodded, too caught up in the alcohol to complain when the older man pulled him onto his lap. "Do you want more?" The Russian asked, handing him another bottle. _

"_Yes." The curly-haired boy breathed. Ivan took a swig of the alcohol. _

_Ravis remembered Ivan pulling off his pants before he blacked out._

_When he awoke, he was overjoyed that he couldn't remember a thing._

As soon as Eduard got to Estonia, his assistant ran out to greet him. " !" He yelled in panic.

"Saaremaa, What's wrong?" Eduard asked, shutting the door to his car.

"Mister Russia is here." He said.

Eduard's eyes widened. _Mister Ivan? Here? _He thought.

"Take me to him." The tall Estonian said, taking in a deep breath.

The Russian was waiting for him in the lobby, his knees crossed and smiling brightly. "Good morning, Eduard." He said.

"M-Morning, Mister Iv-I mean, Russia." Eduard said, trembling, recalling his days under Soviet control. "What b-brings you here?" Ivan smiled at him, his hideous mouth stretching and his glass eyes shining.

"I have a proposition for you." He said. "W-What is it?" Eduard stuttered.

"…Join me once again, Eduard. In the Soviet Union." The Russian leaned towards him, their noses only a couple inches away. Eduard choked on a gasp. How could he? How could he not? Maybe it would be better for him and his country to return. _No, no._ Eduard shook his head. "N-no." He whispered. "I won't."

To his great surprise, Ivan stood up and turned to leave. _Is that is? He's not going to argue or try to force me into it? _

"Then maybe," Mister Ivan said, holding onto the doorframe tightly, "I will have to ask Ravis."

Somehow, Ivan knew. He had found out from someone or another, that Eduard was undeniably uncontrollably in love with the Latvian. He knew that if Ravis agreed, Eduard would have no choice but to follow him, try to protect him. And the short, curly-haired boy would most definitely agree. He was damaged and weak, the mere sight of Ivan would frighten him to tears.

"Don't!" Eduard aid, chasing after his former master.

Ivan smiled. His face clouded over and the whole world seemed colder. "Why don't you try and stop me?" He crooned, amused.

"Shit!" Eduard yelled to himself as he slammed the door to his car closed. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" He was going to have to drive back to Latvia before Ivan did. And Ivan was already backing out of the parking lot. _I'm going to do this. _Eduard thought to himself. _I'm going to save my beautiful Ravis._

For the following hour, the word became a blur of streets and intersections. At every stoplight, Eduard cursed and honked, Ravis's safety being his only concern. Ivan was far in front of him, out of sight. The Estonian was sure he was breaking every possible driving law; he'd cut across lawns, disregarded stop signs, almost hit someone, and it seemed as if his car was going was too fast to be possible. When he finally got to Riga, the city was already in a panic. Russia was here. Eduard pulled into his boyfriend's driveway, and jumped out of the car. Ivan's limousine was parked in front of him. _Oh God. Please, no! _Eduard pleaded, bursting through the door.

"Ravis! Are you alight!" 

The small Latvian was backed up against the stove. He was an absolute mess, tears flowing freely from his eyes and snot running down from his nose. Mister Ivan was standing in the center of the kitchen, holding his iron pipe behind him. "Glad you could join us, Eduard." He said in a sing-song voice.

"Get away from him." The Estonian growled. "Eduard!" Ravis cried. He rushed over to the boy's side and shielded him from the perpetrator with his back. "Don't you dare." The Estonian warned him.

"But I've never done anything." Ivan said.

Ravis held onto Eduard tighter. "Make him go away!" He sobbed.

"Come with me. Let's be together forever, Ravis. Let's go back to the Soviet Union." The tall Russian cooed, reaching out for Latvia's hand. "N-No!" the curly-haired nation yelled through sobs. "No! N-No! No! Please, no!"

When Mister Ivan left, he didn't bother to close the door.

Ravis collapsed into a ball on the floor. "N-no. ." He sobbed. Eduard picked him up onto his lap, rocking him back and forth, trying to calm him. "Ravis, it's okay. He's gone now." He kissed his forehead. Ravis screamed. An ear-piercing scream. He jumped up and stumbled away from Eduard. "Don't touch me!" He yelled, backing away. The Latvian bumped into the wall and fell down. He cried harder. "W-why does this always happen to me!" He bawled. "Damn it."

Eduard approached him again. "Please, Ravis. I'll make you better, I promise." Slowly and cautiously, Ravis crawled back into the Estonian's arms, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's neck, and crying into his shoulders. "It's okay, you can cry." He was told. And he did. For close to five minutes before the taller blonde began to sing an old Estonian lullaby softly into his ear.

"_Uni tule, uni tule uksest sisse  
>Astu lapse silma sisse<br>Nutt jäta küla kutsu kätt  
>Äiu,äiu äigutanni<br>Karul oli kaksi poegatanni  
>Üks oli Kiisu, teine Miisu<br>Kiisuga käisin kirkoteeda  
>Miisuga tõin metsast puid."<em>

Ravis began to hiccup. "My stomach hurts." He said. "Let's go to bed." Eduard said, standing up slowly with the short, tiered Latvian in his arms.

**Hi. I'm sorry for the wait on this chapter. I had to take finals. I hate high school. Ble. Either way, thanks so much to the people who Reviewed/Read/Subscribed to the story! **

**I read Latvia's character profile in Hetalia VL2, and I thought I should incorporate his drinking thing into the trauma. Many people with sexual trauma self-medicate with drugs and alcohol, so… yeah. Ravis's stomachache near the end has stuff behind it as well. If you're ever stressed does your stomach hurt? It's basically the same principle here, but this is when you re-experience traumatic events (i.e-STRESS!). I read that somewhere. Estonia's assistant (the guy who informs him about Ivan) is named after an island off the coast of Estonia. Translations for the Estonian lullaby: **

**Sleep is coming, sleep is coming from the door,  
>It steps into the child`s eye<br>Give the cry to the dog  
>Äiu,äiu,äigatanni<br>The bear had two cubs  
>One was called Kiisu, the other was called Miisu<br>I went to the church with Kiisu  
>I brought wood from the forrest with Miisu<strong>

**Obviosly, I have no idea what I am talking about. I'm not Estonian. Or Latvian. But I have read the Polish version of the novel Latvia was reading, 'Biķeris' (translated: 'The Goblet'). **

**:D**


	6. Chapter 6

The phone rang multiple times throughout the night. Ravis stirred in his sleep, grumbling and burying his face further between Eduard's shoulder and neck. "Shh." The Estonian said. He was still unable to fall asleep due to the tumulus events of the previous day.

"Eduard…" The small Latvian said, sleepily opening one eye. "What's that noise?"

"Nothing, Ravis." Eduard said, smoothing his boyfriend's hair. "Go back to sleep."

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

This time, he quickly got out of bed to answer the phone. "Hello, This is Eduard von Brock speaking."

A distantly familiar voice answered him. " Like, Oh my God, Ed! Are you like, with Ravis now?"

It was Feliks *L*ukaskiewicz, Toris's Polish boyfriend. "Yes. Feliks, why are you calling so late?" Eduard answered.

There was a slight pause. "Did Russia come to your house today?"

-"Yes. And he came to Latvia, too. How is Toris doing?"

From the other end of the line, the Estonian heard him exit the room. "I'll be right back, honey." Feliks said to his boyfriend. "Oh God. He's like, totally a mess! I got there like, as soon as I could and he was all freakin' out and he locked himself in the bathroom for like, two hours!"

Edusrd sighed. "Ravis isn't doing so well either." he commented and wiped a dried tear from the sleeping boy's cheek.

"Feliks?" Eduard asked cautiously.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it's because of Ivan that they're…like this?"

Feliks lowered his voice slightly, so that Toris wouldn't be able to hear him. "Tottaly. I like, wanna kill that bastard."

"Me too." Eduard said, looking at the sleeping boy next to him. God, he was beautiful. Sandy curly felt gracefully atop his head, slightly covering his closed eyes. His eyelashed were so long, the left heavy shadows on his cheeks. To Eduard, he would have looked like and angel if not for the seep crinkle of worry in between his brows. A crinkle that wouldn't be there if not for Ivan.

"How do you do it?' The Estonian asked. "Toris seems so happy when he was talking about you. How did you get past all of …this?"

The Polish man giggled. "I don't know. We still haven't gotten past it. He's got so much to deal with, y'know, Russia and America and Prussia and whoever the hell else. We just work through it together. I ain't that perfect too, y'know? I've got my share of issues with like, people, too. Basically, Liet will tell me stuff and I'll like, tell him my stuff, and we're cool. Until Russia showed up today, then Liet freaked and I freaked cause Liet was freaking out and that damn Russian was totally in my Liet's house, and Ivan totally gave me the evil eye and like, it was just bad."

There was a pause, and the awfully effeminate blonde mumbled something in Lithuanian. "Look, Ed, I gotta go 'cause Liet is starting to freak out again, ok? Like, say hi to Ravis form me! Bye!"

"Bye." Eduard said, and hung up.

Eduard awoke the next morning to the sound of Ravis giggling. "How long have you been awake? And what are you laughing about?" He asked his lover.

"I've been up for a couple hours." Ravis said. He was fully dressed and his hair was wet, so he must have taken a shower, and yet he was still lying next to Eduard. "Your sleeping face is cute." He said. Eduard smiled and squeezed his hand.

"Thank you." The Latvian said, "for rushing over here and saving me. If you hadn't been there, I'm sure I would have agreed to join Mister Ivan again."

"Can I kiss you?" Eduard asked, taking Ravis's face in his hands. He answered silently by closing his eyes. Slowly, they pressed their lips together, and Ravis gladly opened his mouth to allow the other's tongue inside. The Estonian laced his fingers in his boyfriend's moist, sandy hair. "Mmm." Ravis moaned.

"Ravis." Eduard said. "Let' eat some breakfast."

The Latvian frowned. "I don't want to. I want to have sex." He whined.

_How can he? _Eduard wondered. _He just saw Mister Ivan yesterday. _

"Are you sure?" He asked Ravis. "You're already dressed, and you know, it's probably not good for you right after seeming Mister Ivan-"

"Shut up about that." Ravis said. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with me."

Eduard frowned. "I never said that there was." He reached out to pet his boyfriend's cheek.

Ravis smiled lightly and stuck out his tongue at the Estonian.

It wasn't long before they were making out again.

**That's it for this chapter, really. I don't think there's any explaining I need to do. Except that I really wanted to show Estonia and Feliks as sort-of-friends. I've seen that a lot in the fandom, but historically (?). Eh, I haven't read anything of the sort! Maybe the whole Swedish Wars over Livona, but that doesn't amount to much. WHY IS THIS CHAPTER SO SHORT?**


	7. Chapter 7

Eduard had spent over a week at Ravis's house. He'd have the important documents faxed over from Estonia, so there wasn't much conflict with work. Ravis would bike over to the governmental office from time to time, but he wasn't called in often, so the men had most days all to each other.

"Eduard!" Ravis shouted from the kitchen one evening. "Do you want some beer?"

"Yes. Just a bit, though." The Estonian, who was reclining on the couch filling out some documents, answered. Ravis waltzed into the living room with two glasses of beer. He sat down next to Eduard and placed the drinks on the table.

"Hey." Ravis said and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek. Eduard smiled and kissed him back.

"I love you." Ravis said suddenly, taking a sip of beer.

"What?" The taller of the two asked. Had Ravis just told his that he _loved him_? He thought he'd never live to see the day.

"I've decided that I love you." He said bluntly. Slowly, Eduard put the documents on the table.

"Really?" He asked, pulling him into his arms. "Yeah." The Latvian whispered into Eduard's ear. Eduard held him tighter and kissed him hungrily. "You saved me from Mister Russia. Again. You're the best." Ravis laughed sweetly.

"Y'know," Eduard said, looking straight at Ravis. "We should probably stop calling him 'Mister', huh?"

"Yes…" Ravis mumbled, and leaned his forehead against Eduard's shoulder. "It's been four years. Time sure flies fast."

"Ravis." The tall blonde said.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop!" Ravis said, tears welling up in his eyes. "I have to call him Mister Ivan! I have to! I-I know it's crazy, but I'm terrified that he'll find out somehow! And that he'll find me! And-!"

"It's okay." Eduard said, wiping away his lover's tear with his thumb. "It's the same for me too. And I'm sure Toris has the same problem."

"Eduard. I'm so lucky to have you." The curly haired Latvian sobbed. "I completely do not deserve you."

"Don't say that!" The Estonian said, grabbing Ravis by the shoulders a bit too hard than he meant to. "You...Ravis you're amazing! You're so sweet and adorable, and honest. You've got the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. You always try your best, and-!"

"Just look at me!" Ravis yelled, tears making rivers down his cheeks. " I'm dirty! I'm broken! I'm an alcoholic and a fucking mess!"

"Ravis, you're not dirty or broken or-!" Eduard started to say, but his boyfriend stood up from the couch and stomped his foot.

"Shut up!" He yelled. "You don't know anything! I'm screwed up! I want you to gag me, tie me up and fuck me! I want you to choke me and make Toris watch! I want to be blindfolded and raped!"

"That's not your fault! That's what happens with severe trauma, Ravis!" Eduard retorted, recalling an article he had once read about a girl that was raped by her uncle.

Ravis fell silent. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Eduard stood up and slowly walked towards him. He smiled sadly, and wiped a smudge off his own glasses with his hand. As he was about to embrace the short Latvian, the boy pushed him away lightly. Ravis mumbled something under his breath, looking away from Eduard, his face red and breathing sharply.

"What? I couldn't quite hear you, Ravis." The Estonian asked.

Ravis took in a deep breath. He turned towards Eduard and yelled. "I miss it! I want Mister Ivan to come back and fuck my brains out! I wish he'd beat me 'till I pass out and fuck me hard!"

"How fucked up is that?" Ravis sobbed quietly.

Eduard was speechless.

"I'm going to go take a bath." The Latvian said. And so he left Eduard standing alone in the living room, confused and rejected.

_There were many bad times, but Ravis can remember the worst in perfect detail, unfortunately. It was a beautiful spring day in March. The three Baltics had finished the chores assigned for the morning, so now they were sitting outside, talking and trying to enjoy themselves. _

"_Oh, come on." Ravis said. "Even Russia has spring." He stood up and searched the ground. 'There's got to be at least a flower somewhere." He mumbled._

"_I wouldn't count on it." Toris said, pulling his knees up to his chest. "Let's go inside, it's cold!"_

_Eduard snorted. "If we go back in, we'll get more chores!"_

"_I think I'd rather do that than freeze to death." Toris said. _

"_We won't freeze." The fifteen year old Latvian stated. "Look." He pointed to a small, pink flower peeking out through the still-melting snow. "If the little flower can do it, so can we!" He cheered, smiling and jumping up in the air._

_Eduard and Toris smiled. "You're so cute, Ravis." Eduard said. _

_Suddenly, a girl appeared behind them. "You guys." She said with a frown. "Big brother wants to see you." _

_The trio drew in their breaths. "We'll be right in." The Estonian said. _

"_Good." She said, and turned to walk back into the house, her long blonde hair flying behind her. Toris sighed. "That Natalia almost makes me want to stay in Russia forever." He said dreamily._

"_I don't understand what you seen in her. She's pretty, but what a creepy bitch!" Ravis said, laughing._

_The Baltic countries stood up and followed Natalia into Mister Ivan's house. When they arrived, Mister Ivan was sitting on the couch, legs crossed and smiling. A bad sign. _

"_We need someone to go shopping for tonight's dinner." He said. _

"_I'll do it." The mousy-haired Lithuanian said, raising his hand slightly._

"_No you won't." Ivan said, keeping the same expression._

"_I will." Ravis said, careful not to meet the Russian's eyes._

"_No you won't." _

_Katyusha, their master's elder sister, looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn't. _

"_I'll do it." Eduard sighed, observing his shoes._

"_Good." Mister Ivan said. "Latvia and Lithuania, come with me."_

_The two nations looked at each other, and then stood up slowly. Eduard shot them a pitying look as he walked out the door to continue his errands. Mister Ivan led Ravis and Toris towards his room. _

"_Strip." He said as he locked the door._

"_B-both of us?" Ravis asked._

"_Yes." Mister Ivan smirked and sat on the bed. Slowly, the boys began undressing, taking their time on each button, attempting to delay whatever horrors would come next. _

"_Little Latvia." Ivan said. "Would you like to go first?"_

"_N-no." Ravis said, looking down at his feet, apologizing to Toris in his head. _

"_That's alright. Lithuania, come here." The twenty-something year old Russian man said. Ravis covered his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Toris!" He yelled. Mister Ivan glared at him, but Toris, being the kind boy that he was, smiled lightly at his friend and mouthed: "It's alright."_

_When Eduard came back, about an hour later, Toris and Ravis were sitting ion opposite sides of their shared room, completely silent. "Are you alright?" He asked. "I'm sorry, that shouldn't even be a question."_

_Toris hugged his knees. Eduard noticed a new bruise on the boy's arm. The Lithuanian's lip was also bleeding. Ravis wouldn't even look up at his best friends. Both nations were exhausted, their hair was tousled and hand-shaped bruises covered their bodies. Their eyes were red from crying and tearstains were easily visible on their dusty cheeks. _

"_What happened?" The Estonian asked, "I've never seen you guys look this awful…"_

"_I don't want to talk about it." Toris said. Ravis stayed silent, and Eduard wondered if he had even heard him. _

"Ravis." Eduard said as he knocked on the bathroom door. "Can I come in?"

A splash of water.

"Yes." Was the Latvian's quiet reply.

Eduard open the door lightly and entered the room. The porcelain bathtub was filled almost to the top with water. Ravis was sitting at the very end, with his knees raised up against his chest. He was crying.

"Ravis. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up." He said as he sat down next to the tub.

His boyfriend didn't respond immediately. "It's alright." He finally said.

"Do you remember that one time when Mister Ivan made you go out to the market and when you came back, Toris and I were all depressed?" Ravis asked.

"There were lots of those times." Eduard said.

"It was the day that we found that flower. The one that froze and died the next day."

Eduard smiled lightly at the memory of the plant. "That flower was supposed to be us right?" Ravis nodded. "But look, we made it through the winter didn't we? And now we're free." The Estonian said.

"Yeah."

'You never did tell me what happened that day."

"Do you want me to tell you?" Ravis asked, closing his eyes and hugging his knees tighter. "If it makes you feel better." Eduard responded.

He drew in a breath and started to cry again. "I-i…Please don't get mad at me!" He sobbed.

"I won't, I promise." Eduard said, and took one of Ravis's hands in his own. The boy continued to cry for a while.

"We had to take turns-y'know-doing things with him, and-and-and-!"

"Ravis. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." The Estonian comforted.

"I want to!" The younger man choked out through tears and hiccups. Suddenly, he plunged his head underwater and dug his nails into Eduard's hand. "Ravis!" Eduard yelled. The Latvian flung his head from out under the water with a deep breath. Now, water was dripping from his hair onto his face in addition to the fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

"M-Mister Ivan, h-he made me-he made me have sex with Toris!" Ravis yelled.

Eduard felt his face flush. He brought his boyfriend's dainty hand closer to his face and kissed each knuckle. How could anyone have defiled such loveliness? More importantly, how could he have walked out the door, turned away, when that son of a bitch was hurting the two people he cared about most?

_I could have stopped this. _Eduard thought to himself. However, he knew that whatever efforts he made to stop this madness would have been turned against them. They would all get punished. No, he could have begged for Mister Ivan to take him instead, to spare the others just this once. Not that it would have worked.

"Eduard?" Ravis asked, touching his face lightly. "Are you crying too?"

Eduard nodded, and embraced his lover. Ravis delicately kissed his ear.

"Why didn't he ever choose me? Why did only you and Toris have to suffer like this?" Eduard moaned. "I was beaten and starved and overworked, but that doesn't matter! It's nothing compared to what you had to go through."

"It's not your fault." The Latvian said. "I know you think it is, but there was really nothing you could do."

Eduard only wished he could believe him.

That night, Ravis wished his boyfriend would quit holding him so tight.

**A/N: Often times in sexually abused people, there is a tendency to want to re-traumatize one's self. Henceforth Ravis and his kinky sex and rape fantasies. At first, when I was writing the flashback scene, I wanted to include the whole thing in great detail, but I couldn't bring myself to write it. Either way, I think it turned out good enough like this, because I got to include the bathtub scene. **

**Eduard obviously, feels a sense of guilt in Ravis's situation, because he feels he could have/should have prevented in. (I would too.) About that flower. It end up freezing to death, making all the Baltic terribly depressed. I felt like I needed some extra symbolism. **

**SO! Please review and thank you for wasting twenty minutes of your life to read this! **

**:^) **


	8. Chapter 8

He was too close. Holding him. Breathing on him. His hands, resting protectively across the Latvian's stomach. His eyelashes, sweetly brushing the back of his neck.

And that overwhelming, loving, heartbeat.

It sickened Raivis to know that right now, Eduard's heart was beating for him alone.

He raised his head slightly to look at the digital clock on the bedside table. _Their _bedside table. When had Eduard moved in? How could he have let this carry on so long?

It was only 3:00 am.

_Damn it. _Raivis thought. _Two more hours. _Then he could pretend to wake up, and quietly, softly, slip away to carry on with less clingy business. Maybe, he could pretend to wake up early. After all, it would only be a partial lie. The Latvian shifted a bit, trying to wriggle out of his boyfriend's grip.

"Raivis. Don't go yet." The larger man mumbled, partially asleep. _Damn it. _Raivis thought. _Goddamnit. _He really needed a beer. Closing his eyes, he pretended to go to sleep. Four years ago, he would have loved having Eduard so close. But not tonight. Tonight, it made him uncomfortable and scared, for reasons he himself could not understand.

After they finished a very silent breakfast, Eduard's cellphone rang. He excused himself to answer it. Ravis stared at the map of Europe that hung in his dining room. He remembered, a long time ago, Estonia and Latvia were one; a country named Livona. Ravis closed his eyes and sighed.

_A large house. Two tiny children, Estonia and Latvia, and their caretaker, Poland. _

Back then, Latvia was as pure as could be. Untainted. Untouched by Mister Ivan. Immaculate.

"Raivis!" Eduard called. "Would you like to come to Tino's with me today?"

"I can't. They want me at the office today." He lied.

"No, he's wanted at the office today. Sorry, Soome." The Estonian said into the phone.

_Tino is Eduard's best friend. _Raivis thought. _Who's my best friend? _ Did he have any friends except for Toris and Eduard? There was Peter, of course, but he was so immature and Raivis felt like a pedophile hanging around him. How old was he again? Fifteen?

The Latvian realized that with himself being twenty-two and Peter being fifteen, that made their ages exactly the same as when he was under Ivan's control. He made a silent reminder to never-_ever_ seen Peter again.

"I'll be spending the day at Tino's, okay?" Eduard said, kissed Raivis lightly on the cheek, and began putting on a winter coat.

"Alright." The Latvian said with a blank face. Eduard left the house, guilty. _Should I have left him alone, in his current emotional state? _He thought. He took on Tino's offer hoping to find comfort in his best friend, to believe that someone could help him deal with the Raivis, the man he loved oh so much.

The drive from Ryga to Estonia took a while, and the ferry to Finland took even longer. Eduard met Tino at the port, and hugged him.

"Eduard!" The Finnish man giggled. "It's been a while since I last saw you!"

"It has, hasn't it?" Eduard said. Suddenly, Tino grabbed him by the arm and started running. "C'mon! We have to catch the train to my house!"

On the train, the two boys began catching up.

"Don't worry, this is the express train. It won't take that long." Tino said, adjusting his scarf. "Su-san and I got a puppy! Did I tell you that?"

Eduard smiled. He'd missed the Finn so much. "I think you might have mentioned it." He replied, pushing his glasses back up on his nose.

Tino began telling his friend about the renovations they had been doing at home which included a new, wonderful sauna, and other tidbits about his life.

"Will Berwarld be home?" Eduard asked, anxious. Berwald had always been cold and scary to the Estonian. Even when they were children, they had never gotten along well. Berwald's husband (or as Su-san himself liked to call him, his wife) seemed to be oblivious to the fact.

"Yes, but he has a lot of work to do. Lately, the Swedish government's been giving him a hard time." The Finn said, chuckling. "Here, this is our stop."

Raivis was feeling very lonely. Today, his world was dark, and he could feel himself slipping away. He was drowning in his memories, his fantasies, his dreams and nightmares.

_Toris smiling at him, tears streaming his face, after it was all over._

_Mister Ivan, smiling, teaching him how to make borsch. _

_Feliks patting him on the head._

_Eduard holding him close at night. _

Raivis shuddered. "Eduard, please come back home." He whispered, hoping that somehow, Eduard would hear him across the Baltic Sea.

"You've heard the rumors didn't you? About Miste-I mean, Ivan" Eduard asked his best friend while mixing some sugar into his coffee. "Of course. Who hasn't? I had my own share of experiences with him, have you forgotten?" The Finn responded.

Eduard raised his eyebrows. "He never did anything like that to you, did he?"

"No! Not _like that._" Tino said. Tino's smile faded, out of the blue. He looked off to the side and said: "I heard about Raivis. I'm so sorry."

"It's not that bad." The Estonian said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Don't lie to me."

Eduard bit his lip.

"I-I heard he cries all the time. And that he's a little kinky in bed." The Finn whispered.

"I-I guess that's true…"

Eduard looked down at his drink. He concentrated on the swirls on cream, suddenly wanting to drown in their sugary sweetness. What had he got himself into? "I really love him, though." He said quietly, almost to himself. "I-I want to help him. So that we can be finally be happy together."

The blond Finnish man smiled and leaned across the table to give Eduard an unexpected hug. "You're so cute!" He squealed. "But honestly, I think you guys are great together. If there's anyone who can help him, it'd be you. Look, you've already been through so much together!"

"You think so?" The Estonian asked, blushing.

"Of course." His best friend said.

Raivis stared at the clock. _Twenty o' clock . _He thought. _Where's Eduard?_

How long was he going to stay at that blasted Finn's house? A sudden realization hit him.

"No." He whispered to himself. "That's crazy, Raivis. He wouldn't do that. He just said-I just said…"

He fell to the floor, and grabbed his head. _Oh God. _The Latvian thought, panicked. _What if he's cheating on me?_

Eduard came home four hours later. Raivis was probably already in bed, so he didn't bother ringing the doorbell. Struggling in the dark with the keys, he thought of what Finland had said.

"_If there's anyone who can help him, it'd be you!"_

He hoped it was true. That one day, him and Raivis would be able to live happily together, get married, maybe even have a family. The Estonian smiled and sighed. Finally, he opened the door. Raivis was sitting alone in the dark, ready to greet him.

"Hey." Eduard said, surprised. "You're not in bed."

"Why did you come home so late?" The younger male said with an accusing tone, and stood up.

"The ferry came a bit late. Besides, I'm travelling between countries. Of course it would take a while. " He said. Then, he noticed the Latvian's expression. His eyebrows were arched downward, a rare sight for the well-mannered boy, and an unattractive grimace crossed his face. Eduard flicked on the light.

"You're cheating on me."

"What?" The taller of the two asked in disbelief.

"You heard me."

Eduard took step closer to his boyfriend. "Raivis. Don't be ridiculous! Tino is just a friend!" He grabbed the boy's small hands and kissed them. "Don't touch me!" The Latvian shouted, backing away and wriggling out of his grip.

"I didn't do anything!" Eduard yelled.

"Liar! You had hot sex in his sauna! You'd rather fuck your pure, pretty best friend, huh?" Raivis said, and pushed the Estonian away from him. "Raivis! I love you, you know that!" He countered.

"How'd you like it?" The short Latvian snarled, ignoring him. "Was he tighter? Sweeter? Did you tell him you loved him too?"

Without thinking, Eduard pushed the younger man against the kitchen wall and smashed his lips into his. "Edua-!" Raivis began to yell before the Estonian forced his way into his mouth. A small jolt of pain. The taste of salt. The Latvian had bit him. Eduard in turn, unbuttoned the top of the boy's shirt. His hands traveled down, quickly and aggressively, and squeezed Raivis's ass. Still ravishing him with his lips, Eduard cocked a knee in between the other's legs. More Kisses. Excess saliva dripped down from their mouths. "Edua-!" The Latvian tried to say again. The taller blonde nudged his knee further into Ravis's crotch, receiving a reluctant moan. Suddenly, two small hands pushed against his chest, and he fell backwards onto the tiled floor. "Stop!" A small yet powerful voice shouted.

"Raivis…" He began to say, picking himself up off the floor.

"Get out!" The curly-haired man screamed. "Get out, Eduard! I never want to see you again!"

The words sliced through him. However, nothing pained him as much as to see the expression on his loved one's face. He was terrified. Of what? Of him. He'd attacked him, tried to force himself on the boy. Small tears dripped from the corners of the Latvian's eyes. He'd been betrayed. The person he'd trusted most had just become the person he'd been running from his whole life. His eyes like fire-burning with fear, betrayal, doubt and disgust-Eduard had only seen him look at one other person like that.

_Russia. Ivan Braginski._

Eduard turned for the door and left.

**A/N: OHMYFUCKINGGOD. I'm so so so sorry. It has just come to my attention that this whole time I was spelling our favorite Latvian's name wrong. Latvia=Raivis, not Ravis. HOLYMUTHERFUCKINGOHMGEEZUS-!...Excuse me while I go hang myself. From now on I shall write it correctly. Sigh…Why did I get it wrong in the first place?**

**I am a liar. Traveling from Latvia to Finland would take waaaay long. I remember that back when I was living in Europe, we had to take trains/buses everywhere and to go across my country it took 9 hours. So, Latvia to Finland trip in this story is shortened. HERP YEAH!**

…**Everyone in Europe hates Russia (unless you're Russian LOL. You! You know who I'm talking you, right? I suppose it would be 1996, wouldn't it?). They just fuck all. Done too many things to my country/people for me to appreciate the country or the language. And yet I'm almost fluent in Russian. Hm... I love the character though. **

"**VANYA. IMMA SO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU SUCH A CREEP IN THIS STORY! I LUV LUV YOU!"**

…**There. I'm sorry Ivan-chan. I have to write a story now where he's all cute and not a rapist to make up for it. But I love writing stories about sexual abuse. AND NOW! To explain Raivis's (spelled it right YEAH!) behavior: many sexual abuse survivors feel that real genuine feelings for someone are clingy and gross and make them uncomfortable. So they sabotage the relationship in one way or another, henceforth Raivis's irrational belief that Eduard had cheated on him with Tino. HELL YEAH, TINO! YOU ARE NOW A PLOT DEVICE. **

**Soome=Finland is Estonian. 20:00=the European/Military time equivalent of 10pm.**

**I WANNA GO TO RYGA NEXT TIME I GO TO EUROPE!(I have heard it's very pretty) …and on that note, 'till next time.**

**(I has epic ranting powers. This took up almost a page on Word!)**


	9. Chapter 9

Feliks turned over and groaned.

"Quit moving." His Lithuanian boyfriend mumbled and covered his head with a pillow. Feliks turned his head towards his lover. "Yo, Liet." He said.

"What? It's three in the morning, go back to sleep and stop bothering me." Toris Laurinatis moaned.

"You know how during dinner I totally dropped a fork?" The Polish man said, ignoring Toris's comment.

"What about it? Let it go, that's a children's story." The Lithuanian said, shifting his head to face his boyfriend. "Who's the most unexpected person you can think of?" Feliks asked.

"Mnn…I don't know. Feliciano? Roderich? Berwald?" The mousy-haired man said, closing his eyes again.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Feliks jumped out of bed, and shook Toris crazily. "Ha Ha Ha!" he laughed. "I was right! I was right!" He taunted. The Pole rushed downstairs, still in his pink, frilly pajamas. Toris sighed and groggily got out of bed to follow him. He got halfway through the hallway when he heard an ear-piercing squeal.

"Oh my gawd! Eduard!" Feliks yelled. The Estonian was standing in the doorway with a sunken face and a cut on his lip.

"Hi, Eduard." Toris said. "What brings you here…so late?" He asked, yawning.

"I'm sorry. I was just wondering if I could stay the night. Raivis kicked me out." Eduard said, blushing. "Tottaly! You can like, stay whenever you want!" The Pole said, jumping up and down excitedly.

"Myszko," Feliks said, pushing his boyfriend back in the bedroom. "You like, go get some sleep. I'll take care of this, okay?" Toris gladly collapsed back into bed.

"Like, guest bedroom's over here." He then said to Eduard, leading him toward a door. "Thank you." Eduard responded.

"Dude. So why'd you get kicked out?" Feliks inquired. Eduard didn't answer. "We like, totally need to talk."

Feliks sat down on the bed with his Eastern European friend. "I went to see Tino. I came back late and he thought that…that I cheated on him." Eduard said solemnly. The Polish male smiled slightly. "That tends to happen with Liet too. Like, one time there was this conference in Germany. And Liet was totally sick so he couldn't go. He was convinced that I would go fuck Kraut, so he wouldn't let me leave the house!"

"Kraut?" Eduard responded.

"Niemcy. Germany. Sauerkraut. Kruat. Get it?"

"I suppose."

"So he kicked you out 'cause like, just because of that?"

Eduard sighed. "Not entirely. He wouldn't believe me that I didn't do it, so I got angry and…"

"You kissed him. And tried to do more." Feliks responded, staring off into the distance at his lover's bedroom. Eduard raised an eyebrow. "How did you know?" He asked, surprised.

"Been there, done that." Came the flat reply. "And then he was all like-'Get away from me, you rapist!'-wasn't he?"

"Pretty much." Eduard said, and yawned.

"Dude, you are totally gonna pass out any second. I'll let you sleep now, but I'm like, gonna bother you about this in the morning." Feliks said, exiting the room. Eduard nodded and closed his eyes. That night, he drifted off to sleep with Raivis's eyes haunting his dreams.

Eduard awoke to the sound of laughter. Confused, he walked out of the guest bedroom and met Toris in the kitchen.

"Sorry, if he woke you." The Lituanian said, gesturing towards his Polish boyfreind, who was sitting in front of the TV in the living room, and laughing his ass off. "He likes to watch some weird Polish comedy in the mornings."

Eduard smiled. Toris and Feliks's home seemed so much more…alive. "Like, Oh my God! Liet! You totally have to see this!" He noticed the Estonian and waved. "Yoohoo! Hey, Eduard!" Suddenly, the Pole turned off the TV. "We like, have to talk."

The tall, glasses-wearing blonde sighed, recalling the conversation the night before.

"About what?" Toris said with a nervous expression. Feliks placed a hand on the Lithuanian's shoulder. He leaned in close to the other boy's face and whispered something in a language Eduard couldn't understand. "You think you can handle it?" He asked. Toris nodded and smiled slightly. "I can try."

The three men sat down in the living room. "Liet, are you like, sure you're okay with this?" Feliks asked for the third time. And for the third time, Toris nodded. "So like, did you guys break up?" Feliks asked, turning to his guest.

"I think so." Eduard replied. "Do you think he'll want to get back together with me?"

"That's hard to say." The Lithuanian said. "Raivis is so fragile. For him-well, both us us-attachment is weird. It took me a while to get used to the whole being-with-Feliks setup, you know."

"So how'd you do it?" Eduard asked, leaning forward.

"I think that Raivis is still partially in denial about the whole thing happening. You know, I wouldn't say that I'm completely y'know, over it, but I'm getting better. I think that the thing that helped most-"

"Liet is totally crazy!" Poland interrupted. "Like, don't listen to him on this one. It doesn't make sense!" He turned to the Lithuanian and poked him. "And you, are like, way too nice."

"What helped?" The Estonian asked.

"I know it sounds ridiculous, but-I forgave him." Toris said, smiling.

_How?_ Eduard thought, _He destroyed you. Raivis. Our countries. _

"I told you he was too nice." The other blonde mumbled. "It didn't even happen to me, and _I'm _the one who wants to like, gouge his eyes out. "

"So what can I do for Raivis?" Eduard asked the Lithuanian. Toris sighed and looked at Poland, as if searching for a better answer than the one he had in mind.

"Getting better, forgiving, those are all choices he must make on his own. "Toris said, turning back to the Estonian. "So in reality, _you_ can do nothing."

**A/N: There is an old Polish superstition that if you drop a fork (or any piece of silverware), an unexpected guest will show up soon. That's what Feliks is referring to. The people Liet mentions : Italy, Austria, and Sweden, all have historical backgrounds with Poland. Just thought I should pimp that out. Myszko=literally means 'mouse' in Polish, but it's often used as 'darling' or 'sweetie' between lovers. Niemcy=Germany in Polish. MAN. I inserted waaay to many. Polish cultural/language things. I just love that guy. PATRIOTISM WOOT! Screw that, the next story I'm writing will be about Poland. HELL YEAH! **

…**I suck. Last time I screwed up military time. DAYUM. I should really spellcheck my work before I post it. I haven't used military time since I got to the US. **

**THE NEXT CHAPTER PROBLY WONT BE UP FOR A TAD, SO SORRY AND PLEASE BEAR WITH ME! 3**


	10. Chapter 10

As soon as Eduard left, Raivis wanted to run after him. To grab him by the waist, drag him back inside and finish what he had started. To apologize to him. To tell him what a liar he was. To kiss him. To hold his hand and never let go again.

But instead, he was left alone sitting on the cold floor with his shirt falling off his shoulders and his zipper undone. He fell asleep in the kitchen, crying. He woke up the next morning with a sore back, half-expecting Eduard to be lying next to him.

_He never cheated on me. _He thought. _And I knew that. And yet…_

Life was so confusing. Raivis was spinning, spiraling out of control when he reached for the phone. Without thinking, he dialed a number he wished he could have long forgotten.

"Hello. What do you want?" A brash female voice answered.

"I-It's Raivis-y'know-Latvia." The young man stuttered. "P-please let me speak to Mister R-Russia."

"No." The girl said, until a soft voice from the background interrupted. "Natalia, who is that?"

He could hear the phone being transferred from one hand to another. "Pryvjet." Ivan said.

"M-Mister Ivan!" The Latvian nearly shouted into the phone.

"Little Latvia." The Russian man said. "It's so hard to hear you over the phone. Why don't you come over?"

Raivis was out the door in less than a minute.

Eduard stared at his food while Toris and Feliks laughed with each other. _I'm such a freeloader, _he thought. _I should go back home now. _

"Toris, Feliks." He said, requesting their attention. "I think I'll be going home after dinner. I'll drop by Raivis's and see what I can do, and if not…well…"

Toris looked up from his soup. "Can I come with?" He asked. "I'd like to help you guys in any way I can."

Eduard nodded. _Thank you. _He said to himself. _We're sure going to need it. _

The three (since Poland had to come along) drove up into Raivis's driveway. Eduard took a deep breath. _I can do this. _He thought. Toris placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled sympathetically. They walked up to the house to find the front door open.

"Raivis?" Eduard called. "Are you here?"

Snow had blown into the house, and it looked as if it had been abandoned. An eerie silence covered the house. "Eddie, he's like totally not here." Feliks said, looking around.

"H-he's at Mister Russia's." Toris said, his voice almost a whisper.

Eduard involuntarily curled his fingers into fists. "He wouldn't." He snarled, but in his heart he knew it was true. _I can't believe this. _He thought, feeling a single salty tear slip down his cheek. _This is all my fault. And now…he's back with that monster. _

Suddenly, the Estonian felt Toris collide into him, and wrap his arms around his waist. "It'll be okay." The Lithuanian said, nearly crying himself. "We'll get Raivis back!"

Raivis sat in Mister Ivan's lap, wearing nothing but a red cashmere sweater. Ivan had instructed him to sit with him while they watched the Russian news station. "Just like old times." The man had said. The Latvian sat still and unmoving, afraid that if he moved a single centimeter, his former master would do something more than just placing his hand strategically in between Raivis's legs. Though the television was on and Ivan was turned towards it, his eyes seemed to look through it. At least there was the uncomfortable rushing feeling of inconsistency, unlike when he was with Eduard.

"M-Mister Russia? C-can we change the channel?" The Latvian asked, tiered of listening to news stories.

"What?" Ivan said, snapping away from the TV.

"N-Nothing." Raivis said, immediately regretting coming to Moscow.

As the small Latvian had expected, he was thrown down onto the couch. "If you're bored, we can do something else." The Russian said, smiling sadistically. "N-no!" Raivis squealed.

As Mister Ivan touched him, the short boy bit down on his own hand, a reflex he developed a long time ago, to dull his screams as to not worry his brothers. Ivan giggled and continued on. "You always say no," he whispered into the Latvian's ear, "but you actually enjoy this, don't you?"

_No!No! _Raivis's head screamed. _Stop! _ He began to regret chasing Eduard away from him.

"You know what, Latvia?" Ivan said, entering him, his voice almost drowned in the younger man's screams. "You're my favorite. Everyone else has left me."

Raivis couldn't help but smile through his tears.

After it was all over, Mister Ivan got up and left the room without a word more than: "Please clean the mess you made up." By the 'mess', he meant his seed and Raivis's blood.

"B-But…" The Latvian protested, looking around for a cloth to clean it up with.

"Be creative." Ivan said. The living room had no curtains, no carpet, no handkerchiefs. Raivis chocked on a sob and proceeded to clean up the fluids with his shirt. Why did this feel so familiar?

"_Raivis?" a seventeen year old Eduard asked. "Where are your clothes?"_

_A curly headed boy looked up at him, his knees raised up to his chin, trying to hold on to whatever dignity remained. "Mister Russia took them." He managed to mumble. Eduard sighed and began to unbutton his shirt. With every button, Raivis felt his cheeks grow hot. Then, the shirtless Estonian draped the garment around the young boy's shoulders. He buttoned the thin shirt, looking into Raivis eyes solemnly. "You poor thing." He said. "You can wear this until we find you some new clothes."_

_Raivis still couldn't take his eyes off of Eduard's scrawny, yet well-built figure. After all, the Estonian was the one who did the log-chopping and other things that demanded physical labor. The others were used as housemaids and sex slaves. Eduard took the Latvian's small hand, and hoisted him into his arms. They exited the house, and Eduard mentally prepared himself to walk a couple meters to the servant's quarters, shirtless through the snow. _

This time, Eduard wouldn't be there to save him. _How did I even get here? _He wondered sitting nude on the couch stained with his own blood, waiting for Ivan to return with a change of clothes. _When will it all end?_

**A/N: Sorry it took a while, I'm working on another project simultaneously, but it's not posted yet. To explain Raivis's erratic behavior in this chapter: Russia=sense of stability. Given his sexual abuse, he's totally out of control now, and desires something stable, something he's used to i.e. Ivan and rape-y fun. And as mentioned before, re-traumatization. See, Eduard was good for Raivis and that's why Raivis was so eager to push him away. Oh, and just to clear this up, the characters ages are as follows: Raivis(21), Eduard(23), Toris(25), Poland(25), and Russia(29). *Don't trust me on this though; I tend to have tons of inconsistencies. And I suck at math. ***

…**Is it weird that I wrote this whole chapter while listening to Numa Numa?**

**BTW, there's only a two chapter's left of 'Recovery'! **


	11. Chapter 11

As most people formerly under Soviet control, Raivis could read and write fluently in Russian. Therefore, entertaining himself in Mister Ivan's library was not a difficult task. Sometimes, he wondered what kind of miracle had kept him from forgetting his natural borne language. He picked a book out from the shelf as the library door opened. "Latvia?" A voice asked.

"Aah!" Raivis screamed, seeing Ivan's head poking through the door. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I'll put the books right back!"

"That's alright." Mister Russia said, looking up into space. _That's odd. _Raivis thought. _Usually he would have gotten mad. _The Russian put a hand on the Latvian's hip. A sudden heat pooled in his crotch. _Why do I always have to get so turned on when I know this is going to happen? _He asked himself.

Suddenly, the sound of a doorbell rang throughout the house.

"Don't bother. Natalia will get it." The Russian said, pulling Raivis toward himself. A racket filled the house. A familiar voices could be heard coming from downstairs. _Eduard! Toris! _The boy thought. Then, something in Ivan's face snapped. He violently slammed Raivis against the bookcase and sipped a hand into the Latvian's pants. He jerked him off, pressed against the Science Fiction section. Then, he lifted him into his arms, bridal style and carried him downstairs to meet the guests.

"Hello, gentlemen." He said with a smile.

"Raivis!" Eduard screamed, and ran up to him. "Oh, Raivis. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me!" He said, grabbing at the boy and trying to wretch him away from the towering Russian. Raivis tried to kick him away. "Don't touch me!" He found himself saying, his face still flushed from what happened in the library.

"Don't you see?" Ivan hissed "Little Latvia likes me better than you!"

Eduard looked back at his support team only to find Toris hyperventilating, and Feliks trying to calm him down.

"Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come along." The Pole told his lover.

"N-No. I-it wasn't. B-But I h-have to, R-Ra-Ravis is…" Toris breathed.

Eduard managed to pull Raivis free, and they toppled onto the floor. "Raivis." Eduard said, sitting up. "I love you." He said, taking his hands.

"No you don't."

Eduard furrowed his brow, and recalled a book he had read on sexual abuse and PTSD. "I know your view on love and such things might be warped of because of what happened to you, but..."

"Nothing happened to me!" The Latvian screamed, and slapped Eduard. Then while the Estonian was still stunned, he viciously kissed his ex-boyfriend, knocking him over onto the floor.

"Like, whoa." Feliks commented. Ivan started at both of the blankly. "Eduard." The Latvian breathed, "Oh my god." Suddenly, Raivis attempted to pull off his shirt. "Raivis, no!" Toris yelled. The curly haired boy looked at him in confusion. "You say nothing happened to you, but look at yourself! Nobody does that! You can't have sex in a place like this!"

Latvia froze, his brow furrowed, . Eduard looked at him in sympathy. _Poor boy, _he thought _His boundaries are all messed up. _

Ivan leaned over the two. "Little Latvia." He said, smiling. "You're such an idiot. Didn't I promise we'd be together forever?" He lifted the Latvian back into his arms, cradling him like a child. "Come back home, Raivis."

_Raivis. He's finally called me by my name. _The former USSR nation thought, burying his face in the Russian's shoulder. Eduard pulled himself off the floor. "You can't be with him." The Estonian snarled. "He doesn't love you at all."

Raivis looked up at Ivan Braginski, the man who had occupied his country, raped him and killed off thousands of his people. How was it that he didn't love him? He was his favorite now, wasn't he? Mister Ivan stayed quiet, and Raivis curled into him.

"Hey." Raivis said, referring to Eduard. "It's not like you love me either. You feel guilty about what happened to me. That you couldn't protect me. You know what? You could have, but like everyone else, you turned a blind eye. Remember that one time when Mister Ivan fucked me right next you? You pretended to be asleep!"

Raivis started to cry. "You don't love me There's no way to love someone like me! I'm too dirty, too broken! ! You're just trying to make yourself feel better!"

"Eduard." Toris said sadly. "I'm afraid there's nothing we can do."

The three nations turned away in defeat. Feliks led Toris out the door, kissing him on the forehead and whispering words of comfort in Lithuanian. Eduard stopped in the doorway and turned to Raivis and Ivan.

"I have always loved you." He said. "Always. Even During Livona, during the time we were with Sweden, during both world wars. I love you now, Raivis."

Raivis blushed, his grip on the Russian's shirt loosening.

"Rape is something that happens to you. It doesn't have to define who you are!" Eduard yelled, and ran out the door, hoping Mister Ivan had not seen the tears streaming down his own cheeks. He stormed into the car, turned on the ignition and started to bawl. "I lost him!" He cried. "I've lost him!"

"We got rid of them, didn't we?" Mister Ivan said, giggling. "Why don't we finish what we started?"

The Russian carried him to a couch in the next room. _Mister Ivan raped me. _Raivis said to himself himself. _This is the man I've been running from all my life._

_What could I possibly want here, with him? _Maybe Eduard was right.

"M-Mister Ivan?" Raivis stuttered, "Do you love me?"

Both men were silent. The Russian leaning over him looked at him solemnly and said simply: "No."

He gathered all his courage and rolled off the couch, attempting to crawl away. "Latvia?" Ivan yelled, grabbing him by the arm, "Where do you think you're going?"

"Home." He said. Ivan pushed him against the wall. "Nyet. No, you're not."

"Get away from me!" The Latvian yelled, kicking him in the stomach. His Mister Ivan fell backwards, and Raivis started to run. Suddenly, Ivan grabbed on to his ankle, causing him to stop abruptly in his tracks. "Don't leave, me!" The Russian pleaded. "Don't leave me, Raivis! You're the only one I have!"

"You raped me." Raivis said. "And now you're asking me to stay with you? How pathetic." He snarled, and wriggled out of the older man's grip. And he ran as fast as his tiny feet could take him.

"Little Latvia!" The man called after him.

Eduard's car was just backing out of the drive way. "Wait!" The tiny boy called. "Wait for me!" Poland, who took over driving after both Eduard and Toris collapsed into tears, curtly stopped the car.

"Totally happy you could join us." He said, opening the door to the backseat. He crawled in next to Eduard. "I'm sorry." He said quietly.

The Estonian turned toward him. "Is this time for real?" He asked.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away. You were right. I don't know what I'm doing half the time, Eduard! There's something wrong with me and I-!"

Eduard put a finger on the younger boys lips. "Sssh." He cooed. "It's alright. I will help you in any way that I can."

Raivis smiled. "Um." He stuttered, looking away from Eduard for a moment, his cheeks turning red. "Can we, y'know, be together again?"

Suddenly, Eduard embraced him and kissed his ear. "Raivis!" He almost yelled, "I thought you'd never ask!"

The two men embraced in the backseat of the car. "Raivis." Toris said, leaning over to talk to his old friend. "If you need anything, um, you can always talk to me. If you want that is."

"Thank you." Raivis said, and he truly meant it. He was going to need all the help he could get.

**A/N: Poland wasn't even in the USSR, and yet I can speak/write Russian pretty well, because of Russia's control over my country. It's one thing I hate and love at the same time. It reminds me of occupation and whatnot my people have suffered through, but it gives me the gift of yet another language, which I am grateful for. (What does that make me? Quad-lingual? English, Polish, Spanish, and Russian + taking Japanese? Makes me feel awesome, that's what?)**

**Raivis is a ball of contradiction, isn't he? Every other thing he says contradicts his previous statements. That's sexual abuse for ya, it can mess you up real bad. FOR FURTHER REFERENCE, LET'S NOT RAPE PEOPLE OKIES? Nyet=No in Russian. I imagine the car kissing scene must have been akward for Liet.**

**Eduard: I love you! *kiss***

**Ravis: I love you! *kiss***

***kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss***

**Liet: Uh, Feliks? I feel left out.**

**Feliks: Ha. I'd like, make out with you too, but I'm kinda like, y'know, driving right now. **

**Liet: … *blush***

**THE FUCKIGN**_** LAST**_** CHAPTER WILL BE UP SOON HELL YEAH! WAIT FOR IT! **

…**please tell me what you thought of this chapter.**


	12. Chapter 12

That night, they truly made love for the first time.

Eduard's touches were so gentle, so unlike what he'd always known. His lips lingered in one spot for just the right amount of time, sending Raivis reeling in ecstasy. "Were you always…so good at this?" The Latvian breathed into his lover's ear. "I'd like to thinks so." Eduard said, chuckling to himself. However, when it was finally time to get down to the deed, Raivis squealed. "My hands, can you…" He mumbled, looking up.

"No." Eduard replied briskly.

"Eduard! That's the only way I can get off!" Raivis said, throwing a miniature temper tantrum. "I can't-I won't-I need to!"

The Estonian replied silently, by placing Raivis hands around him, in an embrace. "Try it like this." He said, and continued to thrust into his lover. Suddenly, the small Latvian was filled with an overwhelming pleasure. Not the usual sexual satisfaction, but an overwhelming desire for more. Not more sex. More of _him._ More Eduard. He wanted to drown in him, melt into him, hold onto him and never let go. He felt himself whimper and gasp, but thought nothing of it. The passion clouded his eyes, and he held on to Eduard as if for dear life.

"Eduard." Raivis said, his head on the Estonian's chest. "Thank you for choosing me."

Eduard kissed his forehead. A mistake. The Latvian whimpered and touched his forehead lightly. "Please, don't." Raivis said, closing his eyes. "I can't help but to think of Mister I-Ivan."

He sat up and brought his knees up to his face. "Damn it. I can't stand this." He cried.

"It takes time, Raivis." His boyfriend said, gently touching his arm. "Lay back down."

Raivis took a deep breath and collapsed back into the Estonian's arms.

When they came home from Latvia's house, Toris collapsed into tears. Feliks cradled him in his arms, knowing better than to ask Toris what was wrong. He was beyond happy for Raivis, but he was still recovering from seeing Mister Ivan again. "Feliks!" He yelled, "Everything hurts!"

"C'mon. Like, take a bath or something." The Pole said, pushing Toris towards the bathroom. The Lithuanian fumbled with his buttons, whimpering. When he finally undressed and stepped into the bathtub, he sat with his back pressed against the wall. "Liet, like, chill man." Poland said. He took his boyfriend's hand. "It's gonna be okay."

Toris smiled weakly at him. "Thanks."

"Toris." Feliks said, addressing him with his real name not the silly nickname he usually resorted to. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes?" The Lithuanian responded.

"How is it that you were able to forgive Ivan?" Feliks asked, looking Toris straight in the eye. "I would have never done it. I would have totally hated him until I died. "

"Just cause I forgave him doesn't mean I can't hate him." Toris mumbled.

"Then why forgive him?" Feliks said, resting his head against the edge of the bathtub lazily.

"Because it's not his fault." Toris said bluntly. Feliks looked at the Lithuanian awkwardly. "What? Liet, are you like, okay up there?" He asked, giggling and knocking him on the head lightly.

"I was his 'favorite', Feliks. He told me lots of stuff, sometime without even meaning to, I think."

Liet was silent for a minute and closed his eyes, as if recalling something painful.

"He was repetitively molested by General Winter." He said quickly, in one breath. Feliks blinked and put his arms around his boyfriend. "You're way too nice." He whispered.

Raivis pretended to be asleep, caught in Eduard's embrace. The world for once, was peaceful. Although, there was that biting doubt in the back of his mind, telling his to run away, Raivis pushed it aside. _For once, _he thought, _I'm going to do something right._

**A/N: The End. I wrote this story because I noticed there's a disgusting amount of rape-fics in this fandom, especially concerning the Baltics. And it kind of disturbed me, that in the next chapter or so, the character would do so little as twitch when reminded of the event. Because that's not what happens. When something as traumatizing and boundary-breaking as sexual abuse happens, especially to a child, the effects are endless: there is a higher risk of depression and suicide, flashbacks, feelings of guilt and filthiness, boundary issues and relationship problems as well as physical pains. AND IT ANNOYED THE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME THAT THE SIDE-EFFECTS WERE BARELY ADRESSED. **

**Therefore, 'Recovery' was born. Please tell me what you thought of it! ;D **

**My next major stories will be:**

"**Taboo"-Therapy Home AU. Natalya Braginsky is a troubled newcomer to World Therapy Home. There she meets Toris Laurinatis, a victim of child prostitution, and an unlikely friendship is born. Onesided BelarusXRussia, FranceXCanada, BelarusXLithuania.**

"**Freedom is when Eagles fly"-Poland goes by many names; Lech, the Phoenix, the Eagle, Mary's Child, all to represent different parts of his life, his country and his history. No Pairings per say. **

**Either way, I hope you enjoyed 'Recovery'. :D**


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